Step 3: Gargantua Tarantula
In February I had thousands of dollars of unanticipated expenses: repairs to my RV and gutting the bathroom in my rental house. I charged motel bills while I waited for my RV repairs, paid the contractors and prayed for a responsible renter. In March I face an IRS bill of thousands, the house taxes are due, and I’m carrying a sizable credit card debt for the first time in a long time. This is not what I planned for 2012.
Can we say fear? Decidedly. Gargantua Tarantula. When fear creeps into my gut, I know I need to revisit Step 3.
We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: “God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!” We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him.
~ Alcoholics Anonymous, 2012, p 63It is when we try to make our will conform with God’s that we begin to use it rightly. To all of us, this was a most wonderful revelation. Our whole trouble had been the misuse of willpower. We had tried to bombard our problems with it instead of attempting to bring it into agreement with God’s intention for us. ~ Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, 2012, p 40
So, based on these quotes, saying the prayer isn’t all it takes to do Step 3, is it? I’m not done with Step 3 just because I said the prayer once. That’s why Step 3 is worded like it is. I look at it again:
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. ~ Alcoholics Anonymous, 2012, p 59.
We made the decision, we prayed the prayer and then we began the practice of Step 3. That means we make a daily decision to practice the steps—all of them. The program is specific. It’s 12 Steps, not 2. The Old Timers that I love and respect are those who have serenity today from taking all 12 Steps. Also, they didn’t just take them once and forget them. They daily rely on them as a guide for living.
When I revisit Step 3 and find I still lack the peace I’m needing, I can be grateful to Bill W for the following from page 41 of Step 3 in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.
In all times of emotional disturbance or indecision, we can pause, ask for quiet, and in the stillness simply say: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done.”
PS: Fear comes from the illusion that I should be in control.
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Caddo–The weather is going to be what it will be. We’re ok, so far. I appreciate your input. Thank you for your input! We all have some kind of echo running around in our heads of the shame based accusations from our upbringing. I’m glad that this post hit a nerve. You don’t have to be in control. He is. We know that, don’t we? We just have to learn to practice that wisdom…
I wonder if I could say something about “fear coming the illusion that I should be in control”? The sad and very frightening thing to me is that a good many of us are actually taught that illusion from early childhood–I hear my mom’s voice echoing in my head even now: “you should have known!” and “you should have tried harder!” Have a great day, Heidi–though I know you and Debbie are battling “weather” down south. God bless you BIG.
Chaz- Don’t get me started on TV! I imagine that it’s well worth the hour. Someday I will get to do it.
It certainly is. The vid is about an hour. May be a good substitute in lieu of time one might zone out over a TV show.
Enjoy!
Ciao.
Chaz
Chaz–You can imagine my extreme disappointment as I have to delay watching the video until we have regular internet because we pay for each bit that gets downloaded while we boondock here. My great hope is that others will take the time to watch it. I’m not going to forget it the next time we’re able to jump onto free wi-fi! Surrender is the topic that I’ve been thinking of lately, too. As a friend says, “There’s power in powerlessness”. Thank you for sharing something that really made a difference to you. It’s amazing what is on YouTube, isn’t it?
Hi Heidi!
Your post brought to mind a video I once saw when I was in treatment, “The Pineapple Story”.
Lo and behold, it is on youtube! It is almost an hour but well worth the watch. To verify its worthiness… consider this:
I was in a treatment centre with about 20 guys. Mostly addicts. Rough, tough guys including 3 murderers released on parole there and numerous others with bad resumes. Let me tell you, all eyes remained attentive and we all sat through the video with great interest.
This is a vid about surrender. It is a true story. It is told by the Dutch Missionary who experienced it when he was on a mission in New Guinea.
It highlights the process of true surrender versus partial surrender. I will let the vid speak for itself but well worth a watch.
Ciao.
Chaz
TCC– Thank you for contributing your thoughts to Goodlife! Welcome to a very supportive and steady group. I’m off to check out your site! Do come back.
It is good to see life from different views. This is beautiful. Moving through life with hope, faith and love makes all the difference. Love accepts, accomodates, believes, endures, provides, sacrifices, figures out… Lovely post!
Jen–We’re still waiting for an assignment here. Colo in the summer sounds marvelous. Maybe sometime, who knows? I’m so glad I’ve been getting to know you and I’m such a fan of your blog.
‘Powerlessness is powerful’
Yep Sounds like that could be right out of the Tao or Sun Tzu’s Art of War.
I think there are Universal Truths that transcend dogma. Thats just me though.
I love the structure too. It helps my Type A self cope and get focused. I love the steps for this reason (OK lots of reasons…)
I have a GREAT idea:
Can’t you two guard a gate in Colorado??
Please???
XO Jen
Nancy–My best friend is facing the end of her unemployment and if there ever was a draw toward taking control, it’s now! Her situation was also in my mind as I wrote this. The Serenity Prayer is such a great tool, isn’t it?
Thank you for sharing your experience here!
Al–So true! Thank you for being here again!
Sherrie–Thank you for saying so. The program is more than a blessing, it’s my life line. You bring up an interesting point. I see people getting impatient with their results when they start with the Steps and I just want them to persevere. I want to hold their hand, protect them from their own past patterns and make them speed along the path and just get serious about it, but that’s not what helps, is it? Clearing away ‘the wreckage of the past’ takes time. I don’t think we can sub-contract the work, either.
Debby–God is sufficient and I believe He is always so. When I struggle it’s because of me…not some deficiency in Him. The Steps have taught me to pause and consider when I get agitated. When I examine the source, it’s really internal, not external. I might be triggered by something that happens, but the overwrought reaction is a red flag.
Thank you for your prayers. It means more than I can say.
Jen–I need to be attached to non attachment. Let God take care… I love that. Thank you . I’m going to write that out and look at it today, let it sink in. Your path is so different from mine and I love learning from you.
I have a mentor that says ‘Powerlessness is powerful’. Giving up is so freeing. Why do I fight it? I intend to keep practicing the Steps the rest of my life because I need structure and this structure keeps me sane. I wrote this because I needed to focus again on what I believe to be true and cement it in my head.
The picture is one Debbie took at an oil site while we were gate-guarding. We’re waiting for another assignment. I look forward to it a lot. The Texas environment isn’t very friendly, compared to Oregon and Iowa, but the people make up for it.
I was unemployed about ten years ago and my friend kept reminding that I couldn’t do anything about the things I couldn’t control. That advice helped me a lot that summer.
Nancy
One of my favorite parts of the steps is the freedom of giving everything up, letting go and letting God!
Great stuff, Heidi! It has always taken me all the steps to get the good effects I was promised when I got here. I’m glad it works that way for you too!!!
“12 Steps, not 2″. – YES! I like everything about this post, Heidi. Well, I don’t like the part about the challenges that have come your way. Your take on how you deal with those and how the 12 Steps have informed your decision making is spot on. I need to take these 12 Steps more to heart personally. You are helping me see that. I’ve been praying for those challenges that have come your way and for you to be employed soon. Very soon
As always, thank you!
Dear Heidi!
I pray that things even out for you my Friend!
I LOVE this. You nail it:
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Yep. I pray Great. But am I letting Go? Usually not. Thank you for the concrete reminder that it is not just prayer But Turning it Over that makes the difference. Prayer helps me feel better. It is not what can change my life. Turning it Over (over and over and over again) is what changes my life.
In Buddhism it is said that pain and fear are our attachments to earthly Stuff. Yep. Attachment causes the suffering. I think it is the EXACT same thing as Turning my will over to God.
I need to be attached to non attachment. Let God take care….
Easier said than done…
Prays going out your way my Friend…
Love, Jen
LOVE the pic by the way…