Unconflicted and Better Than a Hallelujah
I agree with Chaz and his Unconflicted post. I am unconcerned about Bill’s personal life. He was a tool for getting the Biblical principles into our hands. I was not saved by him, God used AA to save my life when I was suicidal, but I was already a Christian saved by grace through Jesus Christ. Could He have chosen a different method of rescue? Of course.
I would guess He chose AA because I like structure and AA has enough structure to keep my focus for the rest of my life. I love methodology. AA suits me and I will continue to apply the program to my daily living because it keeps my spiritual life on track, unlike any ‘church’ curriculum ever did. For whatever reason, it works for me and I will continue to share my struggles and the AA principles out of necessity (to work my program) and gratitude.
When I taught hs English, I asked for the strugglers, the back row kids who hated English in particular and school in general. I had a heart for them because I’m a struggler, too… a struggler of life.
Yesterday Debbie at Two Minutes of Grace joined the discussion with Better Than a Hallelujah, a must-read. The video makes my point.
When I found AA, I immediately felt that camaraderie of back row fiddlers. I urgently started breaking down the Steps so I could grasp the heart of the message and apply it. It reminded me of the many hours of homework on the top bunk bed in my shared bedroom of the little trailer I grew up in. Only now I had ‘friends’ that were in the struggle with me. I could share with them the insights and tips and they would share theirs with me. It was community based upon failures and fears and struggles. Again, nothing like my church-affiliated experience to date.
One of the AA lessons I’ve tried to apply is that of loving with grace instead of insisting on ‘likeness’ of experience. Now I can learn from others whose faith may differ from mine. The judgmentalism and accompanying fear are no longer comfortable, and certainly not Christlike.
As Chaz says, “If those of us who seek to represent and emulate this same Jesus had only a fraction of the impact he did, would we really have to profess as much as we do? Or, as they did with Jesus, would they flock to us curious for how we lived, what we did, and how we treated others? Is this not what they did with Jesus?”
Therefore I hope nothing I communicate ever sounds like I have the corner on truth or that I’m superior to others because I have it all ‘figured out’. I was schooled in systematic theology, memorized scriptures and used them against anyone who was not ‘as enlightened’ and therefore could not really be ‘spiritual’…so I am a recovering judge of others, as well as a recovering alcoholic. God forgive me…and He does.
Absolutely! I’ve often thanked God for AA because I really did need it.
I’ve said that! We’re on the same page, Al! That’s what I”m talkin’ about.
i’m in no way qualified to comment on the religious undertones of your post, but i totally identify with the “back row fiddler camaraderie”! Here i thought i was alone and came into a room full of other, very different people who had been alone with me. By joining together we were no longer alone.
If everyone sits in the back row, there is no more back row and all are free to learn.
In one meeting i went to, a woman said “I’d been looking for a program like AA my whole life. I thank God I’m an alcoholic because AA and the 12 Steps were what I needed the whole time.”
Jen–such a kind thing to say, including GL in your list. Thank you. I appreciate your comments immensely.
Jen- I’m off to check out the barefoot site. It sounds familiar, but I’d lost it. Thank you so much!!
Dear Heidi,
Don’t you love it that you can say to someone, “Are you a friend of Bill W’s? ” and go with it? When we moved onto our block, everyone here had been here for over 30 years or more. After a few potlucks and fiestas I kinda got the lay of the land: sure enough! Quite a few friends of Bill W!
I like this website for info on the early years. It has a lot of cool stuff:
http://www.barefootsworld.net/aahistory.html
ditto this:
“I am a recovering judge of others, as well as a recovering alcoholic.”
He does forgive. Wheww!
XO Jen
Chaz,
I think the whole
“where ever 2 or more are gathered in my name…” thing applies big time!
Even if some of us refer to HP, or an old timer might refer to Bus #59 which is the bus that has always gotten him to his meeting, or some of us refer to God and mean the God of our Judeo Christian tradition: IT is all GOD!
What happens in a meeting is magic and grace and God or HP or Bus # 59 gets us there.
I agree completely “The power of fellowship….”
Yes, sir. Just like here…
Peace, Jen
Hi Heidi…. in re-reading your post, it jumps out at me once again how difference seem to fade when you walked into the company of others with a critical similarity… in this case alcholism. Yet, in my experience this applies to any mutual malady, trauma, pain, or experience.
There is an under-appreciated power in the fellowship with people of a similar background. To me it is becoming more evident and warrants further seeing.
Think about this. Other (some, not all) Christians are uncomfortable with the fact that we participate in AA and find the sobriety and recovery that they or their organizations could not give us. To the point where they become suspicious and perhaps threatened.
A group of mainly dissimilar strangers could help us in a way that they couldn’t. I don’t mention this to be disparaging or to compete. It is simply and observation that leaves me to conclude that there must be far more power here than we yet know.
God references the power of fellowship and agreement in a number of places. Matthew 18, Deuteronomy 32 to name just two. Now I dont see that those scriptures refer specifically to what we experience in AA, but there obvoiusly is some prinicipal that translates to what we experience.
More to come! I am on a journey of “more will be revealed” on this one!
Ciao.
Chaz
Jill–Thank you so much for commenting! Wonderful to hear from you. I appreciate your vist, Jill.
Mel–Congrats on another award and thank you for the nomination. Sometimes backwards is better!
Love you Heidi – great post
Hi, you are A BEAUTIFUL BLOGGER
See iamnotshe @ beautiful is as beautiful does. I’m being lazy. I’ve performed this task backwards. Mucho love, m
Mel- My Name is Bill W is the name of the movie. Here is the link on Amazon.
You’re welcome. I don’t have a lot of answers and I’m not a history buff! We had a guy in one or the home groups in Iowa that really knew a lot. If I’d been able to stick around, I’d be a lot smarter about the history by now.
Anyone know of a good AA history site that’s accurate?
Can i ask, what was Bill’s life like? Boy, i have a lot to learn. Thanks for sharing this Heidi and Debbie!
Cath–This means the world to me. Thank you for saying so. Remember my frailties and I remember yours, dear friend.
Oh dearest Heidi, I am a grateful recipient of your beautiful heart. This brings tears reminding me if your unconditional and nonjudgmental love. I see you changing daily and only encourages me to do the same.
I’m glad to be on this journey together.
Thank you. Thank you for sharing !!!