Step 4: Fearless Moral Inventory Shortcut
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
That’s Step 4, perhaps the scariest few words Bill W strung together in this 12 Step program.
It seems to me that he could have used a little marketing tip. (Don’t scare people who are depressed, anxious and suicidal, who already hate themselves and their life.)
I’ll take a go at Step 4, Heidi’s way. Made a quick list of some of our troubles and who was really to blame for our drinking.
People would not get hung up on my Step 4. They wouldn’t go back to drinking or using just because they were too afraid of making their quick list. They wouldn’t procrastinate. Why, they’d probably just jot it down on a napkin during their 2nd or 3rd meeting and hand it in. They’d be done!
Have I convinced you? No?
If you want to do it right. If you just can’t live with yourself unless you do a thorough job of it and do it by the book, then you might want to try this little worksheet that I put together based on the leadership of two old timers named Joe and Charlie. I’m not an old timer, but I’ve had lots of practice designing worksheets! (I bought 4 books on how to do this step before I had the confidence to start.) You don’t have to yield to perfectionism or procrastination to do Step 4
My form is simple, it’s thorough and better yet, you can do it even if you’re still afraid. What Bill didn’t explain is that you don’t have to be fearless to get started. That happens later… much later, after you discover it’s not that scary after all.
Step 4 The Not Scary Resentments Worksheet (see sidebar)
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PS: Of course there’s really no shortcut to taking the 4th. This worksheet is just placing the guidelines from the book into a format we can follow more easily. Here’s how mine started. Have you done the 4th?
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Isabella–Not only does it dredge it up, but it dumps it in your lap for a while! I agree with your sponsor. I’ve observed a lot of physical symptoms that pop up when people are doing The Steps. Our bodies have a response to stress that cannot be ignored. This is why a lot of us drink so much in the first place.
I would hope that you keep in close touch with your sponsor. My recommendations are only from my own experience: Increase your meetings, meet weekly with your sponsor and schedule time for The Step work. As a further note, I recognize the rebellious “lets drink!” message. It nearly got me back out there, too. No one else is going to really ‘get’ recovery unless they are living it. We can’t expect anyone else to think for us and that’s what recovery teaches us. It teaches us to think instead of react. (Not an easy lesson for me!)
I’m going to email you further. Thanks for the great discussion here and the heartfelt questions. I’ll be praying for you. Welcome to GoodLife. There are a lot of wise people that will support you here!
Heidi – timely as I am 1/2 way through my 2nd attempt at step four. My first time was about 8 months ago and I had 6 months of AA sobriety.
I am now on 49 days of AA sobriety and 2 weeks into step four and I am experiencing emotions every which way. AND have neck pain which is excrutiating. My sponsor tells me that it is all related to step 4 but I am struggling to accept that. So thank you for your help – when I pick up step 4 again (not tonight) I will check out your suggestion – anything to get out of actually doing it!!
Question – do you think step 4 dredges up a lot of stuff that you are not aware of?
My partner (not an alcoholic) keeps telling me not to analyse everything so much – which goes against the program. I am trying to gently educate him that if I dont do this I will never stop drinking and things will just get worse. But hearing The Boy say stuff like that makes the little gremlins jump for joy and say WELL LETS GET A DRINK THEN!!!! LETS SHOW HIM HOW BAD IT CAN GET!!!!!” arrrghhhh.
Would love to hear your thoughts if you have time.
Isabella.
Ahhh. I’ll be praying for all of you. Thank you for telling me. Good things to come, I bet!
Good idea, the gratitude list. Hear that everyone? Thanks Al for sharing your experience here. I really appreciate it.
Ha. Love how you said that. It is huge. No one knows how helpful it is until they experience it, do they?
I’m honored by your desire to share it and use it. Thanks for helping get the program by the book into people’s hands. You’re so faithful here. Thank you.
Heidi,
This is Hi- larious!
“I’ll take a go at Step 4, Heidi’s way. Made a quick list of some of our troubles and who was really to blame for our drinking.’
That is how I wanted to do my 4th step the first time around. Thank God for sponsors who are Mean and really care about you. I think the 4th step is the second most therapeutic tool I have found (EMDR first) I did it first in AA and have done it again in Alanon and ACA. The focus has been different each time and that has deepened my knowledge of myself and my Defects. I thought the 5th was the one to fear but no: the 4th is HARD.
Your worksheet it BRILLIANT! I am taking this to a meeting next week and will leave copies on the AA desk. Let me know it that is NOT ok…
actually I could even introduce that worksheet into my family life! I love it…
(put one in my car…)
Yep…
thank you very much!
XO Jen
Once I got so far into the process of the steps, I knew I had to do the fourth. it was a demand of my soul. so it was no big deal, except it was huge.
My 4th Step took a long time because initially i was trying to say what i thought my Sponsor wanted me to say. i was trying to find the right answers…to avoid answering. After a false start, i followed the instructions and came up with a long list and was able to move into the 5th Step, but my Sponsor also had me working HARD on my Gratitude List at the same time so i didn’t focus on only the negative. It was a draining experience, though, to be sure.
Working on it the group is starting Sunday wish us luck!
The Fourth has a reputation that scares the socks off so many people! Everyone I’ve ever talked to was glad they took that Step, though. It’s an emotional rollercoaster that people get done with and recommend it to the guy standing in line, just like a ride at the fair!
Did you keep that opinion after doing Step 4???
great post, Heidi. I have done the fourth – in fact i’ve done it 3 times. every time I went to do it, I learned something new about me. it was pretty amazing. but the first time I looked at the steps I knew I wouldn’t do 4 – 9 because i’d never been that bad.
Thanks! I remember how scared I was of the fourth step.
Excellent, Heidi! I’m printing this out to share with our guys and/or staff who may want to make use of it. Some will definitely be drawn to the worksheet form and it’s fear-LESS factor
Thank you.
Sherrie– It’s so funny that you say that, when in reality I’ve struggled all my life to make sense of things. I liked making worksheets for every job I ever had. It’s just fun to try to get the principles of the book into easy bites. I had to do it this way so I could understand it. I’m only sharing what I’ve learned. But I’m so honored that you find it valuable enough to send to your crew. Wow. Thanks for telling me.
Genius!!! What a clever person you are Heidi!!!! I am so excited I am going to forward this to all my crew! I hope you are having a wonderful day, my friend!