Hashtag Sandy
Just between you and me, I’ve always been a little crazy on a full moon and this week the perfect storm was hitting the East coast just as I suffered an emotional twister of my own. I had ample warning and thought that I was prepared for the worst. But no. I had my supplies tucked in, but it still cost me plenty when it hit. Even though I was battened down and nailed up… I was flattened for a few hours.
I’m praying for the people I love who are facing the worst storm imaginable and I’m not comparing the rejection I’m dealing with to the life-threatening storm of the century, only making a metaphorical parallel. I’ve been in recovery for a few years and I’m grateful to have my own emergency supplies at hand. Without these, I might reach for my substance of choice (committing a relapse), become suicidal, or at the least, lash out in reaction.
In a meteorological storm I would stock up: batteries, water, ice, canned goods, first aid kit, blankets and a generator — for starters. In the case of my emotional storms, I’ve laid in emergency supplies over the years, too.
- Batteries are friends. I talked and cried with three yesterday. That helped keep me calmer. I emailed more today, but didn’t share my issues. I find it’s soothing to just keep in touch when I feel rejected. So I initiate, not isolate.
- Ice (once useful for whisky, in this context not so helpful)
- Food is spiritual truth. I read: AA textbook, blogs of friends, powerful poetry.
- First aid kit is essential for my well-being. I looked for any resentments and found two, marked them Hashtag Sandy. I worked the 15 Minute Solution of Step 10 (sidebar).
- Blankets, keep us comfortable. I stayed away from challenges — didn’t even cook yesterday. (Wait. I did make homemade bread and ate half a loaf)
- Generator, for me, is prayer. Yesterday I prayed the serenity prayer often. I didn’t feel drastically different, but I know I’m going for more than a change in feelings. I need a change in my thinking. It takes time.
Before the storm arrived, Newsday gave this summary from an East Coast local as she was loading emergency supplies into her vehicle.
The storm, she believed, is all but certain. “You see this calm? I’m from the islands. Before a storm, there is a calm. And I can actually smell this storm. It’s in the air. It’s definitely coming.”
I, too, could smell this climate change far in advance. I’m in recovery, but when the storms of my lifetime hit, does recovery work matter? After all, everyone can expect times of trial. The difference between me and the unsuspecting main-lander is that emotional turmoil of this type almost took my life once… but now I know how to stay prepared. Because of AA, I have the tools. I’m very grateful.
PS: I hope this post reminds all of us to continue to pray for those affected by the real Hashtag Sandy. And tonight is the full moon.
PSS: I’m more than fine, for those of you who really might worry. In fact I got the most amazing good news just after this published! I am blessed, truly. So, no worries.
Judi- It ended up being such a huge blessing and continues to surprise me by the magnitude. I’m so grateful. I’m glad you like the kit. Thanks for saying so.
So thankful for your good news. The ups and downs can take a toll but the road is prepared and the emergency kit you have – a winner! Bless you
Cyndi– Sorry to hear it was like that for all of you, too. I worked in the ER for a while and became a believer in the ‘full moon’ craziness! It made me feel not so different… lots of company in an ER on a full moon. You’re in good company here, Cyndi! Thank you so much for speaking up. Your chair is always waiting.
It has been a crazy week 6 out of 6 were affected this week so glad we have support in CR Iowa and thank you Heidi for being there for us!!!!!
Soberinoctober– Thank you for your visit. I’m praying for you. I hope you had your supplies as well and that your power returns for good soon. My little storm is nothing in comparison to this disaster you all are enduring. But thank you for taking the time to stop in.
Marc– You’re so right. I prayed for help and I asked for help from two people. I didn’t think about drinking, but was flattened for a while.
Oddly enough, just shortly after this published, I got exceptionally good news! It was something that more than counteracted the rejection I’d experienced. I was already ‘fine’ with the news I’d received and was balanced again when the call came. I’m overwhelmingly grateful to be able to accept and surrender to whatever… You’re right. What I do with emotions is where the rub comes in. Fighting to suppress or deny them causes undue pain, while just accepting them and even examining them a little, allowed me to regain my perspective. The pain is mostly in the resistance, isn’t it?
I will make this quick in that my power is off and on (I’m in West Virginia and its a freak show here, right now.) I am grateful for your post today and hope that you are well. You have your tools, stay close to God.
Heidi, it has been my experience in recovery that first I had to ask for help and then I had to be willing to experience whatever it was I was feeling, no matter how bad it felt. That way I could have the emotion without it ruling me. It wasn’t the pain, it was what I did with it. Once I allowed myself to feel it and trust my Higher Power with it, I understood it was OK. These things we have called “emotions” are not always pleasant, but they are part of the human experience. It is never perfect and neither are we.
Chris– Thank you for the encouragement. I have been enjoying seeing the changes that Al-Anon have brought your way. Miracles ahead, Chris! Your admonishment to keep in touch with myself is interesting. Thinking about that. I will keep in touch. I really appreciate the prayers. I’m glad you took to time to stop in!
Caddo– Wow. Late yesterday I received one of the most amazing phone calls of my life! I am so blessed. Good things are happening. They were all along, I just didn’t see it, which is typical for life, isn’t it? The phone call that threw me into the depths of despair was dealing with earthly concerns. The one last night was an answer to decades of prayer about a relationship. It even goes back to one of those, “I swore I’d never” deals. So blessed. Stuff doesn’t matter, people do. For sure. Thank you for being here for GoodLife and for coming back again and again!
Debbie– It was one of the quickest posts I’ve ever written. I knew what the truth was and I knew that I needed to be thankful for the difference in my life between now and when I was trying to drown my problems. The storm for me has passed. Do keep praying for those in need of His graces today. Thank you.
Dear Heidi, I read your blog on this Heidi. It reveals progress, growth and healing in so many ways. Cathy did share about the issues. A great likeness to the coastal hurricane and very well described. I appreciate your tools for survival, great reminders for me as to where I’ve been, what I’ve learned and where I need to go with growth and change. Keep in touch with yourself and your friends, I pray you keep strength that the Lord provides you.
Love, Chris
Hey there, Heidi gal–I’m standing firm with you, just hold on tight to God’s hand. You are so loved, so important, so special–to lots of us, and certainly to God. And yes, Full Moon sucks the big one. May He bless you to overflowing–much love, sis Caddo
Thank you, Heidi , for sharing about your personal emergency kit . ..good things for all of us to keep stocked up on.Praying as you do all the right things to get through this storm. And thank you for reminding us to stay in prayer for the East Coast. God bless you and be your ever storm calmer.